What is life for? You have to die at one moment also. Sad case.
Yesterday, I'm up till like 2.30am. I accompanied him for a valuable moment which ended up both of us accompanying each other.. Haha...
He's sad and frustrated and angry and mixed feelings... He's worried that his job prospect next time wouldn't be as good as predicted. Basically... We both entertained each other... He's still okay, because he's not in any specific area yet then. However, today I start to worry for mine...
Hmm... I'm currently doing Diploma in Hotel Management.
My dad asked "You have a direction now?"
My answer was "Of cause not..." (Why do I answer so? Because I think it's not easy for me to make a life decision)
Decisions are easy. Whether you buy or you don't, you say or you don't.
But when it comes to life decision. I suppose, today only I realised it's very hard.
Do I really like hotel management? Hmmm.. I can say I like, but, do I really like? I do not know. How can someone be so certain of his/her feelings at times? You may think that you like.... but when you think deeply, do you really?
Humans are animals which can think.
When they think a lot, they go berzerk...
Hotel management? Not so much. Actually I want to become a movie producer or a director.. Or those newscasters.. Or become motivators.. But.. how do I get there? There's no such courses for it right? Am I right? (or I'm so outdated that I do not know?)
At times... I really think, why don't I just die now and *poof...* all problem ends? Easy as that right..
I'm a thinker that is so complicated. So complicated that I understand people's feelings and how they think. In the meantime, I do not know how my thinking works..
I'm seriously very confused the moment right now. Not confuse on things. On matters of other things, I'm very clear.. But on matters of myself. I do not get hold of it. I do not know who I am actually. Not even 1% of me.
Things become more complicated....
I actually shuts down whenever I've a problem. Like for this morning, my dad was like telling me, you have a talented mind and opportunity to study, but you do not want. People who wants to study, do not have the opportunity....
I was like... I've so many things to say but I just shuts down... I kept quiet. I didn't know I've this habit until today. I actually keep everything inside but I managed it well.. Until these few days.
I shuts down completely because I think my parents do not listen to me. Communication wise.. They do not practise real effective communication..
They do not know how stress I'm, regarding this hotel management as in concerned. Not stress as in studies, but stress listening to people saying that I'm so smart that I shouldn't take this.
They do not know how many times I cried over this. They do not know how many times I've gone to my fren and told them about it. They do not know what to do with me. I know I should get a proffesional job. But I also want to think. I'm not from a rich family. Still okay, how if I studied and I wasted off their hard earned money? So I just took a course which is cheap or rather when somebody gives me a scholarship.
I'm actually on my very own feet. My parents are so used to not guiding me because they know I can. Until then when I needed their guide, they do not know I needed them to deliver.
Haiz.. I do not know what to do with myself.
When shutting down moments.. Another problem arises... Girlfriends. I would think that, how nice to have a girlfriend who will listen to me. Haha.. But so far for now is friends la.. Friends are my life supporting system now. Thank you..
Towards friends, I'm an extrovert. Towards the person I love, I'm introvert. Because I always feel that I'm not compatible with this and this. Waste of time thinking.....
My life is entangled at the middle. With hopes and risks..
Something here to share too. It's another story of a person. Click here... It's quite beautiful reading this.
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